“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship”. John D. Rockefeller.
The above words spoke to me while trying to find my purpose and place in the world. I coincidentally read and heard many sermons on purpose, relationships (not just marriage) and financial management. I realised that Rockefeller was putting a worldly spin on old biblical concepts. I remember a sermon that emphasised how the creation of Eve came after Adam was assigned a purpose, then a helper, in the garden of Eden.
In other words, people around us serve a purpose, which determines their suitability for specific roles in our lives. Matters of money and relationships are very complicated, and the complexities exponentially increase when you combine the two. Discussing financial issues helps to build trust and willingness to share fully with partners. However, some people may have selfish reasons for withholding certain information from spouses. Still, others see this as the only way to avoid conflict with someone they trust in many areas except finances.
It may seem to go against our belief in love, and the subject may be debated for eternity. Financial discipline may be set by the time we consider settling down because of different exposure, upbringing, personality or life goals. These factors are worsened by the culture of immediate rewards that prevails in most African countries. The truth is that people are at such diverse levels of understanding of financial discipline and management that a conversation may be open but at such different wavelengths that the parties involved may not speak the same language.
Mismatches in relationships and Goals
Mismatches in relationships and goals would be like a professor discussing his understanding of the universe with a 5-year-old preschooler. Or Einstein discussing physics with Shakespeare. They are both experts in their fields, but they will not have similar interpretations of the subject at hand. We have friends whom we may laugh with and enjoy having professional discussions with, but issues of finances are so divergent that we don’t talk about them. Some people believe they could invest if they had more money but go for drinks every evening.
Calculations would show they spend more than what people spend on rent or investments in a month. Yet they see others as money wasters due to their choice of business. While others have a step-ladder approach in which each business venture is a stepping stone for another.
These differences in opinions have no negative effects on our friendships for one reason. We are acquaintances and colleagues. We happily interact, knowing we will not get each other’s sticky fingers on one another’s money or personal lives. In short, our purpose is superficial interaction but not a deep or financial relationship. So, we tend to use different values when choosing people we want to be in business with or allowing access to our finances.
The trouble comes when we pick partners based on parameters like looks, sense of humour, God-fearing, humility, respectfulness, wisdom, etc. These admirable qualities don’t guarantee good investment abilities or financial discipline. Relationships start to seem inadequate when we shift the goalpost. Communication is helpful, but it may not instill abilities that are not there.
In Conclusion
Ultimately, the man (Adam) and his helper (Eve), friends or partners must have a clear purpose for which they are well suited to work as a team. It may not be romantic, but courtship must include what the couple wishes to achieve professionally, financially and spiritually. It will alert them of any possible problems. The greatest financial struggles are with two people with extremes in money-saving practices; one who eats everything today, yoking one who is willing to sleep hungry to save for tomorrow. Words like stingy and careless with money will keep popping up.
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