The Illusion of Freedom Part 3

We understand the dilemma of having only one option left after discarding the first one. Feeling tempted to go with the second option and move on is natural. However, it’s important to remember that eliminating one option doesn’t automatically make the other the best choice. There’s a risk of overlooking a significant flaw in the remaining option. Let’s take the time to consider our remaining option with a thoughtful approach carefully.

Option Two

If we consider the second option, we all appreciate being loved, so it is understandable to want to focus on the people who love us. But what do people loving us bring to the table? They may demonstrate actions opposite those of individuals who do not love us (assuming they are psychologically healthy). They may involve us in activities, show affection, and provide for us physically or emotionally. It seems like a good arrangement. Considering the unpredictability of human emotions, it is only natural that we would hope for them to continue loving us. In return, we might reciprocate their actions to give them positive reinforcement so they will continue loving us.

The Fallacies in Option Two

The idea that those individuals may stop loving us can cause us distress, leading us to engage in uncomfortable behaviours to earn their approval (people-pleasing). We may feel compelled to sacrifice our true selves or the person we aspire to be to seek validation from those who care for us. By choosing the latter, you acknowledge that you prioritize the attention and significance of those who love you. You recognize that you need them rather than want them.

Consequently, their love for you becomes crucial. Your focus on them intensifies, amplifying your fear of losing them. The effort needed to sustain such relationships may result in feelings of insecurity and anxiety, which may not differ significantly from the anxiety induced by those who do not love you.

The Common Flaw in Opposing Choices

The flaw in our second option stems from the word focus. Focusing means making something the centre of interest or activity. Another definition of focus is to concentrate attention or effort. That implies that something takes priority over all else and at the expense of everything. So, all your efforts and resources are being syphoned into other people to make them feel favourably towards you. Unfortunately, how they will feel despite all your efforts is completely independent of you. It will simply depend on how they think of you at that moment.

The Convergence of Opposing Views

Why do different options lead to similar outcomes despite taking different paths? The root of the issue lies in two key factors. Both options are influenced by external forces, requiring the actions of others and leading to a need for validation from those individuals. This places both options outside the decision-maker’s control, as they depend solely on others’ perceptions. In essence, both options leave you vulnerable to the whims of others. When one’s worth becomes tied to external factors, it can become a constant struggle to prove one’s value, whether by trying to win over those who do not yet love you or by ensuring the continued affection of those who already do. What we initially perceive as the intended outcome merely represents a step towards a negative result.

Psalms 119:37: “Help me turn my eyes away from illusions so that I pursue only that which is true; drench my soul with life as I walk in your paths.”

#ToUnderstandIsDivine